Bulimia…or how to escape from Reality

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The word « bulimia » may sound a bit scary or disgusting for some of you, but in fact it is just a way for some people to cope with their feelings, and to escape from their reality.

Some people might eat for fear of coping with their everyday life: they may have a really negative image of themselves or feel depressed by all the tasks they need to accomplish during their day, even the smallest ones like calling their Bank or taking a shower…and when their day finally comes to an end, they have to confront their thoughts again. All their feelings suddenly come back into their face and the only escape they can find is Food.

Others might eat out of boredom, or fear of boredom. I personally used to plan everything in advance so that I wouldn’t have any “time-off” during my days. I would feel very satisfied when I had ticked all the things off my “to-do” list. I am getting better at it nowadays, but I still know that if anything completely unexpected happens, I can totally freak out….

And other people may eat to alleviate the emotional difficulties created by the contact with people.
For instance they may be scared of:

  • Not behaving the right way with others: not being the perfect friend, not being truthful enough, not meeting their expectations. I often ask myself questions before seeing …“what am I gonna tell them? What are they gonna reply?“
  • or Hurting others and even themselves if they are not playing the role of their genuine character…

I am often confronted with the dilemma of seeing others because it makes me feel good to have a social life, but being drained because of all the energy and efforts it requires for me to be with them…

Sometimes relationships can really be exhausting because you imagine the whole conversations in advance, you put a lot of thought into it, and when you end up alone again, you feel extremely empty and depressed….Almost like an emotional lift.

The thought of your emotions itself makes you consume all the energy you need before even having felt your emotions for real…

It can seem selfish, but I know sometimes I prefer to be alone as interacting with others is too energy-consuming…  I am still having a hard time expressing what I want or who I am to some people…Those after-work networking drinks used to be so dreadful in my previous company…I felt as if I was not good enough, or legitimate enough, or that I didn’t fit in my colleagues’ mould…Until I realized that I shouldn’t pay any attention at all to what people thought about me…

The truth is that people who suffer from an eating disorder have a huge Identity issue and therefore tremendously lack self-confidence; meaning that the first thing they should focus on towards their recovery is to gain more self-confidence in order to be able to face everyday life situations and emotions without having to binge regularly.

Bulimia may only seem like an eating disorder at first sight, but it is nonetheless a personality disorder. Therefore focusing on easing existential anxieties can help in return to make food obsession disappear…

The problem is that to gain self-confidence, you need to build a “self”, and it is the hardest part for people who suffer from eating disorders, as their inner-self doesn’t seem very developed. Even though they look bright and very gifted from the outside, their emotional maturity is close to zero, and they only see the World as “Good” or “Bad”.

So if you know someone who is suffering from an eating disorder, help them to regain self-confidence by expressing their feelings and most cherished desires….

 

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