Food obsession and Despair

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It may seem strange that one can be obsessed with food, but unfortunately, when you have an eating disorder, food becomes your #1 concern.

You constantly think about what you are going to eat for your meals and you set yourself calorie targets for the week…You even dread eating at a friend’s place for fear of eating too much or unwanted foods….And your diet slowly takes control of your life…

Even after recovering, a person who has had an eating disorder will be more likely to be affected by food-related matters.

For instance, I feel panicked whenever I gain 1 or 2 kilos, after going on holidays for example. It feels almost as if my life was ruined, and all my efforts gone so quickly. Gaining weight takes a disproportionate importance in my head…

I try to regain control of my body by setting lower daily calorie targets, but eating more than my “daily allowance” makes me binge out of frustration…
I currently weigh myself every day. When the scale shows an acceptable number, I feel super happy, and when the number is 1 kilo above what it should be, I feel really low during the day.

I am conscious that this isn’t a good behaviour as it makes me feel desperate, but I am so affected by weight fluctuation that I usually can’t even take a step back to recognize that gaining a few pounds isn’t the end of the World.

Usually what helps in this case is to:

  • Speak with a friend openly about my concern.
    à I then realize that other people are also watching their weight, that it is normal to gain weight during holidays, and that they actually lose it gradually when they come back.
  • Practice yoga to be more mindful about my body
    à learning to breathe will help you create space in your body and you will learn to treat your body well again, and to begin by removing the unnecessary stress you put yourself through. Yoga usually helps me put things in perspective
  • Write down all your negative thoughts. This helps as well to take a step back and not let the scale ruin your day for example
  • Go for a long walk. Getting some fresh air helps your brain to function normally again, and after a long walk, you will feel reconnected to your body and your mind, and become more optimistic.

So don’t let food make you desperate. If you really struggle to break this vicious circle of dark thoughts, don’t be afraid to reach out for some medical help. Remember that seeing the right people will fasten your recovery process!

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